10 British Artists I Wouldn’t Want To Switch Places With For All The Tea In England

Arjun over at The Good Musician is hosting a list day today, and has asked all of the b5 Music Channel bloggers to come up with 10 artists they wouldn’t want to switch places with.

Obviously my choices here on Brit Music Scene are going to all be British artists, and instead of going for the usual reasons, as in they’re dead, or just a plain laughing stock, I thought I’d try to come up with reasons slightly away from the norm.

So here is my ultra snarky list of 10 British Musicians I Wouldn’t Want to Switch Places With:-

Joss Stone

She was once a softly spoken English sweetheart, who captured everyone’s imagination with her beautiful voice, and unnervingly good looks. Now she is a diva of Jennifer Lopez and Mariah Carey type proportions, and has the worst British American hybrid accent since Madonna. The British public are rapidly going off her, and I wouldn’t want to be her right now.

Robbie Williams

Okay, if I were Robbie, I’d be living in LA, have lots of money in the bank, and be able to get any woman I want. I’d also be able to claim to having slept with the likes of Kylie Minogue, which isn’t bad. But, I’d also be watching my career fall apart around me, as well as seeing my old sparring partners Take That seeing their career reach new heights. No, right now, I’d rather be Gary Barlow!

Natasha Bedingfield

Simply because she so desperate for a baby right now, to the extent at which she managed to write a whole album out of her potty thoughts on the matter. Oh, and she has Daniel as a brother… God forbid.

Amy Winehouse

Over the last year Amy has gone from being a talented singer with a great future ahead of her to a junkie staring death in the face on numerous occasions. She also has a jailbird husband, and her teeth are falling out. The only reason I’d want to be Amy is so I could complete the rehab for her, get myself sorted out and save her career before it comes to an untimely end.

Pete Doherty

See above, just without the bit about being a talented singer, and having a jailbird husband.

Paul McCartney

He who was once part of the greatest British band ever to have lived, is now known as the husband of that one legged psycho model. As well as the problems he has with ex wife Heather Mills, he also knows his solo career is nothing compared to what he achieved with John Lennon.
Ian Brown

Former singer of the Stone Roses, and a man who sums up what it is to be from Manchester, England, Ian Brown also has to live with the fact he can’t sing for toffee. He may have had a string of hits, but put him on a stage, and you’ll see every rat in the neighbourhood running for cover from that terrible voice of his. He also looks like a monkey.

Mick Jagger

It can’t be nice to have to put your false teeth in every time you go on stage, but that’s exactly what the ageing Jagger must have to do. He also has the misfortune of looking like a dried prune, just one with a massive pair of lips attached to it.

Mike Skinner

Because otherwise I’d be a chav!

Melanie Chisholm

Not only would I have the misfortune of being billed as ‘The best singer in The Spice Girls’, which isn’t much of an achievement by anyone’s standards, I’d also have to spend time with the other four of them, which would annoy me no end. Then there’s the constant rumours of her sexuality which must annoy the hell out of her. Although of course, she could end that by just confirming she’s gay (if that is indeed the case).

Opinions? Let me know in the comments, for better or for worse.